The adventures of Tim.

I’ve been putting off buying an 360 for two or three years because I’ve always feared that my dad would kick off because he’s got a hatred of video games for some reason. This means i’ve been missing out on hardcore gaming sessions and just general dickery on chat. Well tomorrow (this week at least) it changes. Reach comes out and I really don’t want to miss it. After 17 years of blood, sweat, tears and other bodily fluids i’ve finally saved up the cash. From drug dealing to mugging children i’ll finally have the necessary funds to invest in one of the greatest man made machines ever. (Only joking ololol, I just used some of my EMA funds and money from work).

Today I went to Morrisons in order to look for one but they were out of stock, so I went to Tesco but they don’t even stock the consoles, just a small selection of games. For fucks sake! I just spent an hour walking for nothing! Morrisons won’t get a delivery until Friday - I can’t wait that long! Reach comes out tomorrow! Hopefully I’ll find one in town, theres at least 2 shops there right?

I can’t order one off the internet cause my bank account is shit and it won’t allow me to have a debit card. Plus I don’t want to risk my parents finding a huge parcel in front of the door addressed to me. Instead i’ll have to go to town in the morning on my own and go shopping. If I do buy it, great! I get to carry a huge ass box with me on the bus and look like a muppet. Hopefully I won’t get mugged. If it comes to that i’m gonna try by best and run really fast scream ‘fire!’ or ‘help!’ Then when I get home I can sneak the box somewhere and hide it so my parents don’t find out :D

Soon I’ll be on live and i’ll be like yeaaaaah xbox HD yeeeaaah!

tl;dr - Boys want an xbox, girls want some shoes

If I brush my teeth standing up straight, as opposed to bending over the sink, then toothpaste doesn’t go fucking everywhere!

What happens?

A: The pen remains suspended
B: The pen falls to the surface
C: The pen rises upwards 

-Sometimes I hallucinate and see the green light on my DS flash, as if it’s in sleep mode… but it’s not. It happens all the time. 

-I have also reached 500 hours in Pokemon Soul Silver. Bow down to me, for I am your lord. As you can see my summer has been really productive. I wanted to take a picture of my DS but the photos always end up really blurry :(

-Most days the same retard woman comes into the takeaway and orders curry sauce and boiled rice. (She pronounces them ‘boy rise and curry sores’) Yesterday she wanted sesame prawn toast and curry sauce. I even repeated her order. I distinctly remember her saying the word ‘toast’. Then my mum was like no way does she want this, goes and checks the order again and the retard woman is like no I didn’t want toast. I’m like wtf? Also her breath stinks and even when she leaves her repulsive smell lingers around for a bit. Well I guess they are called retards for a reason! :P

-Dad is annoying, always lecturing me about bullshit. My dad thinks I’m depressed, antisocial and that I have mental problems. (He’s half right) He made me teach him Spanish words/phrases like Hola, Adios, Si, No, Buenos Días, Gracias cause they recently came back from holiday in Spain. (They can’t even talk English let alone Spanish). Then he went batshit insane and started randomly shouting Hola. When I got annoyed he said that ‘people who don’t know how to joke around’ are mental. That’s right people, I don’t know how to laugh. He doesn’t know I only appear depressed when he’s around.

-I found another grey/white hair yesterday. This is number 3 or 4 (or 5) now. My first white hair was last summer. I even remember posting on Facebook about it. Wow i’m vain.

-No interesting/surreal dreams I remember

-I can go days, even weeks without leaving the house

-Electric toothbrushes are amazing, seriously. I’m so lazy and I love it. All you do is power it on and press it against your teeth. I don’t even need to move my wrist or arm! (lololo) If you’re lazy and can’t get that ‘clean feeling’ with a manual toothbrush I seriously suggest you consider getting one

-Adam recently made me update my desktop, cause my old one was a bit lame. I love my new desktop wallpaper now. My calendar is hilarious.Too bad I don’t have a wide screen monitor :( I find desktop customising a healthy hobby

http://i33.tinypic.com/r93i9c.png

And another wallpaper that I made when I was bored (It was a joke with Adam)

http://img340.imageshack.us/img340/9707/prankdesktop.png

Went to bed at about 2.30 am last night, and couldn’t sleep. I lied in bed for like an hour and remember checking the clock to be just before 4am. Then next thing I know I wake up and it’s still dark, so I go downstairs and get a drink of water, check the clock and it’s like 4:15. FUUUUCK! Anyway I made it back to sleep this time without much trouble.

Normally I have lots of dreams but most of them are boring and you wouldn’t want to read them. (Assuming that you would want to read any of them). So last night I had two dreams! Sweeet! But the first isn’t that interesting.

It’s me and a bunch of mates catching the 27 bus which is like the most popular bus to catch, since everyone can make their way home from school. But everyone is worried that they’re on the wrong bus, and they’re like ‘how the fuck do we get home’. I’m thinking ‘what are you talking about, this bus goes to school, just walk home like you would after a school day’. There’s also this ‘Orange Wednesdays’ offer too for bus tickets, and people hold their code in an orange DVD case. At one point we’re out of the bus and start walking home, where we see two characters from Eastenders. One of them’s Max, (A guy with a bit of ginger hair) while the other one’s Rainie (The red head fucked up druggie)

The second dream is more weirder. For some reason this black kid starts arguing with people from our school and ends up fighting everyone. He beats everyone up and eventually I have to fight him. I’m thinking obviously i’m gonna get my ass kicked since I don’t fight. Anyway luckily I manage to block all of his punches, but I don’t actually hit him back. I end up calling him black and he gets really offended, then storms off to get the rest of his gang so he can beat us up more. Everyone from our school is like ‘Tim wtf did you do’. They also mentioned that I got my ass kicked really bad. But I said ‘I thought I was doing alright since I managed to stay standing and I didn’t get knocked out cold’. Then everyone starts roaring with laughter, and I start laughing as well even though I don’t know why.

Anyway I start hovering around the area looking out for a group of black people, worried for my life. About 80% of the dream is me walking around cautious. Anyway skipping to the end they finally do come, but with their whole school. All hell breaks loose and a massive fight breaks out. I managed to avoid getting involved and I ask someone on whether I should go home. They say yes because the fights getting out of hand. Anyway these fucked up robot/alien things come out from nowhere. They’ve got a silver body and just blue light where their face should be. They start saying that blue light will burn and kill everyone, while orange light will make you invincible. They start emitting this blue light and everyone’s screaming like shit and I see people that were fighting getting burned and totally absorbed by this light. Suddenly we’re near the Lady Godiva statue in town and I run towards near the Jewellery shop (between River Island and the Vodafone shop or something) Then these religious madmen start emitting orange light and make me invincible. Then the aliens and the religious madmen start fighting with spears and shit. So I look into the sky and suddenly we see loads of skyscrapers and other buildings like we’re in New York (not Cov city centre). There’s blue and orange light expanding everywhere. I think ‘this best not be a dream’ and then I wake up and it’s like Half one. Last time I checked the clock it was like 12 at midday when I randomly woke up.

tl;dr - Aliens and Religious crack-heads fight

Playing a custom made campaign on Left 4 Dead 2 with some possible French people today. They seemed genuinely nice and friendly, didn’t take the game too seriously and I had a lot of fun. Then my game crashed and I was like FUUUCK because it’s rare that you find a game with nice friendly people. I was out for like 5-10 minutes and kept refreshing the list of games in desperation, then got lucky and found the same one that I was in before. Yay! They spoke fluent English too, but with like a 10% french accent. There was also a woman.

There was one point when there was a horde and the French guys (and gal) ran away olol

They never actually said they were French… but they did have the accent and they said that the time was 1 hour ahead of BST. They joked that they were from Ireland and Jamaica.

tl;dr - don’t be stereotypical